MOTHERS DAY  2014

QUESTIONS without answers.

REASONS we may never know.

Why does GOD answer “yes”, “Not at this time” or “ I have a better plan”.

Every day I try to remember to ALWAYS be grateful and appreciate all that is before me and around me. Something is always lurking in the back ground of the day waiting to steel your love, your joy, your calm. We struggle and hustle to make ends meet and pretty soon we (I) end up in what I refer to as my “Robot Mode”…where I am functioning like a machine but not living in the moments with my whole heart and wide awake.

Tragedies generally make all of us step back and reevaluate our lives. Makes us promise ourselves to slow down, take time to breathe and really be awake. Kinder, softer, more loving, easier to forgive and let go of grudges.

This last Mother’s Day, we were blessed to have our three grown children here, their spouses, and all ten grandbabies. It was a full blown loud, crazy fun filled day. We grilled out, the children played in their two story playhouse with 3 slides, the guys pulled the corn planter out of the barn and greased it up so I can plant the fields if the rain stops. After several attempts with the help of the oldest 5 grand kids, the men also ended up helping us corral the sheep. (I haven’t seen our son Thom sprint across a field since his high school days).

At the end of this day, I was presented with a VIDEO of my life. Thomas and Brandy sat down TOGETHER  and created the most heartwarming….sweet video. It touched me so deeply. Still does.  There was not a dry eye in this house including Papa. And the poor little kids kept looking all around and asking “Why is everybody crying”. It was precious. Thom chose the songs and this one makes me cry everytime I hear it.

   FIGHT LIKE A GIRL

Little girl alone on the playground
Tired of gettin’ teased and gettin’ pushed around
Wishin’ she was invisible to them
She ran home cryin’, why do they hate me?
Her Daddy wiped her tears and said,
Baby, you’re brave and you’re beautiful

So hold your head high
Don’t ever let them define
The light in your eyes
Love yourself, give em hell
You can take on this world
You just stand and be strong
And then fight like a girl



10 years of climbin’ that ladder
All the money and power don’t matter
When the doctor said, the cancer spread
She holds on tight to her husband and babies
And says, this is just another test God gave me
And I know just how to handle this

I’ll hold my head high
I’ll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it hell
I’ll take on this world
Yes, I’ll stand and be strong
No I’ll never give up
I will conquer with love
And I’ll fight like a girl

The thing is, when I was fighting cancer, I remember Brandy ( our daughter in law)  was carrying our first grandchild.  I was so sick and so exhausted (mentally and physically) from all the treatments and doctoring and existing from one apt to another for over an entire year I didn’t think I would be here to see BENJAMIN THOMAS  born. I stood in my kitchen on Sunday and though I would like to think that I am appreciate to God from whom all my blessing flow I was in complete awe that I have ten grandbabies and I have the joy, pleasure, and blessing of KNOWING and HUGGING on each and every one of them. I am so Grateful that we have been able to watch our own children grow up, to see the people they became. Strong, sincere, wise, kind, loving…. well rounded people that I would want to know and spend time with  if they weren’t our own babies.

I spent that year NOT DREAMING, NOT PLANNING for anything. You crawl into this survival cave, you keep your thoughts and feelings and details of procedures to yourself and just function through your days like a robot.

Afternoons I spent in a park wishing that someone would try to take me out of this world, so wore out from doctor appoints and procedures that wouldn’t work, hotel stays because of procedures that requires hospitalization but I would not comply so I stayed near by. Hoops that the insurance company made me jump through time and time again with stage 4 cancer before finally agreeing after exploratory surgery with a scope that it was time to eradicate it all.  Not wanting anyone at the hospital when the dr flew in from Mayo clinic in case I wore up wearing a bag….the hardest part was learning to really live all over again, to allow myself to dream about tomorrow or plan for something more than just a week out. . Today I am grateful and I anguish over why some are spared and “healed” and some are just taken. Appears to be no rhythm or reason to the madness.

 

This is Ben …..and there are 11 more grandbabies  that have followed him. Once again I realized…….I’ve done nothing on Earth to deserve the beautiful life that stood before me and filled our kitchen this particular Sunday Evening with so much love and warmth towards one another.

There are two babies…Norah and Jacob missing from this photo

I can attest that truly :

I AM DRINKING FROM MY SAUCER FOR MY CUP HAS OVERFLOWED

UPDATE as of 2025. We have been blessed with 12 beautifully, intelligent grandchildren.